puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
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