Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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