I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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