i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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