Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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