some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
