you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
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