Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
