Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
