I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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