i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
