sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
