i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
