he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
