i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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