"it" just moved
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
