Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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