idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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