You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
