i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
