I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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