I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
