do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
