I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
