I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
