The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
