..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
