just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
