I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
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Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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