i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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