He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
