i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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