The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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