I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
