We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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