Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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