I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
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I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
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One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
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