Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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