I'm laying in your front yard are you home
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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