Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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