if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
