last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
