watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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