i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
