Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
