she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
