turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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