worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
