pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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