I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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