How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
is this the sara with the beer cane?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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