she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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