id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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