When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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