Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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