Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
