Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
