the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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