Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
