I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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