Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
