You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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