You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Randomize
