ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
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I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
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we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
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