i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
So here I am, sexting at work.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
