I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
