I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
