so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
