she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
