Christians are straight up FREAKS
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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