i jhust puked up my retainher.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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