My hand turned me down
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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