so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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