I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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