my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
