I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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