I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
porn star boner night. come get it.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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