It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
