So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
